


small letters (little talks)

by Anonymous



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Angst, Cliche, M/M, Not Beta Read, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 19:20:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5714143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a deafening distance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	small letters (little talks)

  
They talk in small letters. Letters that only they can hear and sometimes, even themselves, can’t.

 

This is the problem with self-awareness. They both know, being one also means they weren’t one, once. They know they are two.

 

 

 **2014** First sight

 

They met in a coffe shop. Various coffee scents in the air and raindrops on the window. They hear each other whispering. Whispers mean secrets and secrets mean not to be heard. But they do, hear. It didn’t matter, it won’t matter and, it never matters. They. Heard. Just like that. They heard and turned their heads, they heard and they couldn’t look away.

Maybe it all started on that day. Maybe it was already there, before they met, before they born.

_“Won’t end, it never ends.” Whispers Youngjae, various coffee scents in the air and tears in his eyes._

Maybe it ends that day. Maybe it ended way before, before they met, before they born.  
  
_“Will, it always will.”Whispers back Yongguk, various coffee scents in the air and tears in his face._

 

 

 **2015** Bad times

 

Jongup, Youngjae’s old roommate, the boy with shiny eyes and red eyebrows, wasn’t there for romantic relationships, sex and the drama. He loved the plurality _in_ singularity. So when his parents forced him to marry, he ran away. That left Youngjae with a house he can’t pay for and feels he can’t explain. He tried to think like Jongup, act like Jongup, live like Jongup. He only realized, after meeting Daehyun, some people fall in love and they fall in love more than once, he realized that he is a sucker for romanticism (metaphorically), sex (literally) and drama (unfortunately).

Junhong, Yongguk’s old roomate, the boy with empty eyes and brown eyebrows, wasn’t there for anything. He didn’t understand singularity, he didn’t understand plurality. He couldn’t put a meaning in living and took his life. That left Yongguk with a house he can’t pay for and feels he can’t explain. He tried to not think like Junhong, not act like Junhong, not die like Junhong. He only realized, after meeting Himchan, he is _not_ obligated to feel okay and accepting you are not okay is the first step to be _really_ okay.

 

 

 **2016** Start

 

When they met, _actually_ met, it was awkward.

They both were short in cash, they needed a roommate, and their scars was still there. So it didn’t happen right away. They started as rommates with mutual friends. Yongguk was dating Himchan, Youngjae’s friend from hometown. Youngjae was dating Daehyun, Yongguk’s friend from club. They went to parties, vacations and dates together. With awkwardness fading away, they remembered their encounter in coffee shop, the time they heard each other, the time they couldn’t take their eyes off each other.

Whispers.  
Whispers fucked them up.

 

 

 **2017** The Difference Between

 

It was unfair. Unfair to Daehyun, unfair to Himchan. They were the ones who lifted them up, who healed their scars. If Youngjae and Yongguk were meant to be, why they dragged Daehyun and Himchan to this? Why they didn’t heal each other's scars? Why they only started to fall in love when everything was going okay? Wasn't love in bad times and in good times? So why the hell, the good part was so short? They didn’t understand.

But Yongguk did. Youngjae did.

Small letters don’t work for strangers. They had to know each other, they had to understand each other to stand by each other. They had to have long talks, really, really long talks. And long talks were lots of little talks together in the end. They acknowledged that they are selfish long time ago. They knew there was no such thing as selflessness. Unlike Daehyun and Himchan, they were real. Real to their feelings, real to what they can do and can’t do for each other. This was the most simple and different thing about them.

 

_Dilemma._

 

 

 **2018** Good times

 

Youngjae loved sunrise, loved the way it stars. Yongguk loved sunset, loved the way it ends. There was no “hidden” meaning in that, it didn’t have to. It was just the sun. And they were okay. They were okay to love different things, hate different things. They knew each other and that is why Yongguk waked up early, to watch it start together. And that is also why Youngjae left the work early, to watch it end together.

Eventually, Himchan and Daehyun accepted it. They didn’t understand, but they forgave. Yongguk and Youngjae were assholes, so what. It was better to have asshole friends than asshole lovers.

  
_(They understood them only after they fell in love with each other too.)_

 

 

 **2019** War breaks out

 

They were not inseparable. Too realistic for that. They knew there were times they _should_ be seperated, they know there were times they _had_ to be seperated. And they were okay. They appreciated the time they were together. That was why they stayed alive, that was why Himchan and Daehyun died.

 

 

 **2020** Good and bad times

 

They were twenty five. Twenty five when Earth crumbled down; beneath their feet. It wasn’t that shocking. Humans always had a way with galaxy. Humans always managed to win, just not all of them together. Sacrifices are meant to happen. They didn’t care. They just wanted to kiss.

 

 

 **2021** New planet, old love

 

Mars wasn’t so different from Earth. Rich was still rich and poor was still poor. Yongguk and Youngjae were okay to be in between. They weren’t crazy for flying cars and they had enough money to fill their stomatch. It was okay. Their love was still in small letters, quiet days and meaningful gazes.

 

 

 **2021** End

 

Mars was going down too. _It was for greater good,_ the man in suit told them.  
Only way to go to Jupiter was to prove you are worthy.

 

 

 **2022** Last Sight

 

 _Fuck it,_ they said. They weren’t going to prove they are “worthy” to some greasy, old, white men. So when the time came, they stood still.  
They held each other’s hand, looked at the sky to see if the sun is going up or down.

 

 

There was no sun in the sky.  
_They looked at each other, then._

**Author's Note:**

> all over the place. i dont know why i wrote this i suck  
> i love banjae sorry


End file.
